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Jokes

Alicia

Alicia

Well-Known Member
A SHORT LOVE STORY




A  man and a woman who had never met before, but who  were both married to other  people, 
found  themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans-continental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a  room, they  were both very tired and fell  asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in the lower. 

At  1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the  woman saying, 'Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet  to get me a  second blanket? I'm awfully cold.' 


'I  have a better idea,' she replied 'Just for  tonight...... let's pretend that we're  married.' 


'Wow! That's a great idea!', he  exclaimed. 


'Good,'  she replied...........'Get your own  f***ing  blanket.' 


After a moment of silence...............he farted. 


The  End
 
W

Wilson

Guest
A  duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham  sandwich.

The barman looks at him and says, 'Hang on!  You're a duck.'

'I see your eyes are working,' replies  the duck.

'And you can talk!' exclaims the  barman.

'I see your ears are working, too,' says the  duck. 'Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich  please?'

'Certainly, sorry about that,' says the barman  as he pulls the duck's pint. 'It's just we don't get many ducks in this  pub. What are you doing round this way?'

'I'm  working on the building site across the road,' explains the duck. 'I'm a  plasterer.'

The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the  duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a  newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it.

So, the  duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman  good day and leaves.

The same thing happens for two  weeks.

Then  one day the circus comes to town.

The ringmaster comes  into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him 'You're with the  circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in  your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper  and everything!'

'Sounds marvelous,' says the  ringmaster, handing over his business card. 'Get him to give me a  call.'

So the next day when the duck comes into the pub  the barman says, 'Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job,  paying really good money.'

'I'm always looking for the  next job,' says the duck. 'Where is it?'

'At  the circus,' says the barman.

'The circus?' repeats the  duck.

'That's right,' replies the  barman.

'The circus?' the duck asks again. 'That place  with the big tent?'

'Yeah,'  the barman replies.

'With all the animals who live in  cages, and performers who live in caravans?' says the  duck.

'Of course,' the barman  replies.

'And the tent has canvas sides and a big  canvas roof with a hole in the middle?' persists the  duck.

'That's right!' says the  barman.

The  duck shakes his head in amazement, and says .. .

.
'What  the heck would they want with a plasterer??!'
 
R

Redline

Well-Known Member
A boy goes to the drug store with his dad and sees the condom display.

Boy: "Dad, why do they do packs of one condom?"

Dad: "Those are for the high-schoolers for Friday nights."

Boy: "So, why do they make packs of three?"

Dad: "For the college guys for Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights."

Boy: "Then why do they make packs of 12?"

Dad: "Those are for married couples -- you know, January, February, March."

------

kung_fu_donald_rumsfeld.jpg
 
dru

dru

Well-Known Member
THE STORK


The teacher was telling the kids about the birds and the bees and
she explained that when a man and a woman meet and fall in love,
nine months later the stork usually brings them a little baby from its
nest.

Little Johnny at the back of the class put his hand up and asks the
teacher,
"Are you sure about the stork, miss? I think you're getting your birds
mixed up 'cos my big sister just got a little baby, and she said it was
from a shag at the beach.!!!
 
J

jiggles

Guest
What do Michael Jackson and McDonalds have in common?

Both are 40 year old pieces of meat between 10 year old buns.
 
Azza-Mataz

Azza-Mataz

Well-Known Member
whats big and hairy and sticks out the top of your pajamas in the morning...








your head (what were you thinking?)
 
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