Post Yer Pish Here - AKA The Off-Season Thread.

[midfielder]

For all you past, present, and future managers - I was once told - "Never commit anything to paper if you do not know what you are talking about!! 


A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert quotes" contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life Dilbert-type managers.

Here are the nine top finalists:
1. "As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks." (This was the winning quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp. in Redmond, WA)

2. "What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter." (Lykes Lines Shipping)

3. "E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business." (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

4. "This project is so important, we can't let things that are more important interfere with it." (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

5.      "Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule." (Plant manager, Delco Corporation)

6    "No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them." (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.) 

7    My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me." (Shipping executive, FTD Florists)

8  "We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees." (Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)

9.      One day my Boss asked me to submit a status report to him concerning a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough. He said, "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow to ask for it!" (Hallmark Cards executive).

 

[Mr Cleansheets]

I was once 2IC of a large department at a publishing company. The dept head was a breathtakingly ignorant pommie chick who once took me task for thanking people when they did something well/promptly etc:

"There's no need to thank them Adrian! These people get paid!"

She was actually angry about it and thought that my appalling habit of thanking staff was clear evidence that I had no future in the management of the company.

Fortunately, she was dead right.

 

[bjw]

Can confirm Brett Lee and Jamal Idris were at Terrigal Pub tonight.

 

[priorpeter]

Brett Lee carving up dance floor etc.

 

[jiggles]

Can confirm I had the pleasure of shaking zycie's hand this evening at Terrigal Pub.

Can also confirm Brett Lee was on the dance floor. That man has terrible, terrible hair.

 

[FFC Mariner]

I was once 2IC of a large department at a publishing company. The dept head was a breathtakingly ignorant pommie chick who once took me task for thanking people when they did something well/promptly etc:

"There's no need to thank them Adrian! These people get paid!"

She was actually angry about it and thought that my appalling habit of thanking staff was clear evidence that I had no future in the management of the company.

Fortunately, she was dead right.

My 1st boss promoted me over a guy who was much more talented but who he thought was gay.
Why did he think he was gay?
He drank Gin and Tonic in the pub.

English management.

 

[Arabmariner]

I was once 2IC of a large department at a publishing company. The dept head was a breathtakingly ignorant pommie chick who once took me task for thanking people when they did something well/promptly etc:

"There's no need to thank them Adrian! These people get paid!"

She was actually angry about it and thought that my appalling habit of thanking staff was clear evidence that I had no future in the management of the company.

Fortunately, she was dead right.

My 1st boss promoted me over a guy who was much more talented but who he thought was gay.
Why did he think he was gay?
He drank Gin and Tonic in the pub.

English management.

Fair enough though  ;D

 

[FFC Mariner]

The same guy used to shout at people who hummed or sung at work on the grounds that if their brain had the capacity to sing/hum, they obviously were not devoting 100% effort to their work.

 

[priorpeter]

Can confirm I had the pleasure of shaking zycie's hand this evening at Terrigal Pub.

As did I... part of the blessed few.

 

[midfielder]

Dibo ... just for you...


While walking down the street one day a 'Member of Parliment' is tragically hit by a truck and dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the  entrance.

'Welcome to heaven,' says St. Peter. 'Before you settle in,  it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you.'

'No problem, just let me in,' says the man.

'Well, I'd like to, but I  have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.'

'Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,'  says the MP.

'I'm sorry, but we have our rules.'

And with  that, St. Peter  escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down  to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green  golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it  are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with  him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had  while getting rich at the expense of the people.

They play a  friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and  champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly & nice guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises...

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

'Now it's time  to visit heaven.'

So, 24 hours pass with the MP joining a group  of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing.  They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by  and St. Peter returns.

'Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and  another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.'

The MP reflects for a minute, then he answers: 'Well, I would never have said it  before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off  in hell.'

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down,  down, down to hell.

Now the doors of  the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with  waste and garbage.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his  shoulder. 'I don't understand,' stammers the MP. 'Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.

What happened?'

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, 'Yesterday we were campaigning.. ..

Today you voted.'

 

[serious14]

12th June finally came, and that meant it was Muse in Paris time.  8 months of waiting was worth every penny (euro cent?) - and if any of you ever get the chance to take the Eurostar train, I highly recommend it.

I posted this in the Gig Guide thread as well, but I figured it kinda belongs here too.

The Stade de France

The crowd after Kasabian had finished, and about 10 minutes before Muse came on

The stage

Uprising (with added flare)

Undisclosed Desires

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4EuYY7fTquQ&feature=player_embedded

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ev3s68LvuII&feature=player_embedded

 

[midfielder]

hahahahaahheheheeheh
Never tho I would see the day Ch 9 & 7 fighting over football coverage...well Ch 7 guys shouts Ch 9 guy with a Taser ... to get some football access...

http://www.news.com.au/entertainment/television/taser-fight-at-dawn-for-rival-tv-networks/story-e6frfmyi-1225879678805

Taser fight at dawn for rival TV networks at World Cup match
From: The Daily Telegraph June 15,


AUSTRALIA'S network news war has escalated with a Nine security guard allegedly Tasered by a Seven security guard before the Socceroos first World Cup match.

Rival camera crews filmed the Fanatics' procession to Durban's Kings Park Stadium when an arm wrestle for access turned violent.

The dispute ended with Taser burns to the former British military officer hired by Channel 9 to protect staff from South African street crime.

After the crews exchanged verbal threats, Channel 7 reporter Mike Amor stepped in a bid to end the childishness.

But witnesses claim that prompted Nine's bodyguard to step in to separate the pair, only to be Tasered by Seven's guard, confirmed as an off-duty South African policeman.

While the taser strike failed to fell "Russ" (Nine's security man, who once protected one-time UN boss Kofi Annan), he sustained bruising and minor burns to his stomach.


Allison Langdon brought a working police officer to break up the crews and check the Seven security man's credentials. No charges have been laid as yet.

Nine's national news director Mark Calvert said the Tasering turned the ratings rivalry ugly.

"When I hired security for the World Cup, we had been warned about the country's crime rate and possible terrorist threats. Who would have thought we'd need protection from a Channel 7 crew?" Mr Calvert said yesterday.

With a nod to comments by Seven news boss Peter Meakin last week, when he threatened to "shoot" rivals for his job, his opposite number at Nine added: "This is a classic case of taking the boss too literally."

But Mr Amor said: "Our guard pulled out his Taser gun, but we don't believe the other guy was actually Tasered. It calmed down and we actually had a beer at the bar with them [Nine] after the game".

"It was a silly thing and it's been sorted

 

[jiggles]

f**k i love the world cup.

that is all.

 

[scottmac]

 

[fedelta]

http://www.foxsports.com.au/story/0,8659,27314359-5018902,00.html

John Isner and Nicolas Mahut locked at 59-59 in epic Wimbledon marathon

They have been playing each other for a total of exactly 10 hours7 hours, 6 minutes in the fifth set alone, enough to break the full-match record of 6:33, set at the 2004 French Open.

 

[Jazzie]

God I hate driving in and out of Wyoming Shopping Centre. Was t-boned ... twice ... by an idiot reversing out of a parking spot without looking. What an absolute moron..... aaaarrrrrgggghhhh