Encyclopedia Dramatica

[jiggles]

Seen it?

A sarcastic version of Wiki really...

Some hilarity....
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Soccer

  Epithets with explanations

    * Goalkeeper one who is nonconsensually fellated.
    * Defender A player who tries to prevent sodomisation of his team mates.
    * Midfielder Any player who is f**ked in the mouth and ass simultaneously.
    * Striker someone who sneaks up and then f**ks you in the ass.
    * Bend (it like Beckham) British slang, where "bent" means gay (because it's literally "not straight").
    * Dutchie it is a proven fact that the entirety of the Netherlands plays way too much soccer.
    * French the entire male population of France is soccer mad, which is why studs are imported from Algeria. Unfortunately, most Algerians are Muslim, a religion that bans consensual sex with women except in Paradise.
    * German it is a know fact that Germans are playing the most shittiest soccer of all, but still almost always win due unknown reasons
    * Goal possibly rhyming slang derived from the idiom smoke a pole, meaning "to fellate".
    * Score this refers to penetration of the anal sphincter.
    * Foul Any act of heterosexuality during a match.
    * Yellow Card Too many penises in the mouth.
    * Red Card Liking women.
    * Pitch The field of "play." Alternately, an anal DP.

  Notable Players

    * King Pel - First winner of 3 World Cups and famous teen f**ker.
    * Cristiano Ronaldo - Supposedly the best player in the world, even if he is too retarded to score a penalty.
    * Didier Drogba - Ex-Olympic diving champion turned footballer, he has put his skills to use on the pitch.
    * David Beckham - Jumped the shark at least 100 years ago and moved to Los Angeles with his wife and kids.
    * Frank Lampard - Spends most of his time eating pies and crying about his dead mother.
    * John Terry - Was seriously butthurt after missing a penalty[like every good britfags does] and losing the Champions League last Thursday and started boohooing about it to Avram Grant.
    * Wayne Rooney - Scouser who steals and f**ks grannies. Currently earning over 9000 a minute.
    * Michael Owen - Good player who spends most of his time injured.
    * Ronaldinho - The man looks like a donkey. Srsly.
    * Oliver Kahn - German Goalkeeper, know for smelling like a monkey, looking like a monkey and behaving like a monkey, but with a lust for blood and flesh instead for bananas and watermelonz like regular soccerplayers/monkeys.
    * Ashley Cole - Left many Arsenal fans butthurt for moving to rivals Chelski, resulting in much lulz
    * Franck Ribery - French player whose ugliness makes Rosie O'Donnell cringe.
    * Lionel Messi - Always the best, but Cristiano Ronaldo sucks off Sep Blatter to get all the awards.

 

[TerrigalUtd]

I like uncyclopedia. Its almost the same as wikipedia

http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Soccer

Rules

The ball is a mere decoy to the real object of the game. The purpose of the round object is to trick the referee into looking straight at the ball rather than at what the players are doing, and to fool the referee into believing that you are, in fact being beaten to death by the opposing team. This is very effective as most games are decided by "fouls" that are given after a player (often the prettiest and poofiest in the team) dives to the ground after minimal or no contact from the opposition player. Bonus points are awarded for nutshots that result in involuntary bowel movement and sterilization. soccer used to be a man and women sport made for the bed. it was another way of jewish kinky in other words soccer is the most boring sport out there The most famous actor in modern soccer games is Cristiano Ronaldo (Manchester the Best), linked with Real Madrid the acting club. ;D ;D

Ways to identify an England fan include

A flag remarkably similar to that of Denmark will be painted and or/worn all over their body.
They have a primitive form of language which you must listen for:
Their call sign to attract other England hooligans is a repeated chant of En-ger-land, En-ger-land (pronounced ing-ger-lund). Typical attack signs are: "Your going home in a <insert place name here> ambulance" - which is a little odd because typically you go to HOSPITAL in an ambulance. "i'm going to break your bar up you french frog eating bastard". All patriotic England fans still regard WW2 as an ongoing conflict, and all Germans as the enemy. Racist German specific war cries are "2 World Wars and 1 World Cup, doo dah, doo dah" or "my grandad shot your grandad, doo dah, doo dah".
A more historically accurate version of "2 World Wars and 1 World Cup, doo dah, doo dah" would be "2 World Wars as part of international allied forces that took 6 years to defeat a small country and one world cup (compared to your three) won at home thanks to a dodgy linesman in extra time doo dah, doo dah."
All England fans should be treated in the same way as a large bear; try not to attract its attention and slowly walk away. Do not feed it under any circumstances.

Ways to identify an American fan