Wow, chance of a lifetime for Arnie! Sorry to see him go, But this time it's really just too good to pass up...
Dear Arnold,
Now that we are worse than ever, with a god awful roster and zero prospects except for copious amounts of pressure. We'd like you to consider coaching us again. We are aware that you rejected us for last years premiers and the current table topping team that is soon going to the ACL, with a very talented roster, full of great people, with new world class facilities to train in and a supporter base that adores you...
However, there are some key points we thikn you may have failed to consider...
1) We are the rubbish side down the road that you just obliterated 7- 2.
2) We go through coaches faster than Clive Palmer with a box of donuts.
3) Our latest coach just resigned because all the unjustified hype that surrounds our club was turning him into a basket case.
4) Terry McFlynn.
5) Terry McFlynn again. He is our captain. Some lead form the front. Some by example. Terry leads from the bench.
5) Terry Mc Flynn. I'm sorry to harp on this point, but you may not be aware that he is available to be used as a late sub when you are chasing a game. Please weigh this carefully against Ibini, Hearfield, Kwasnik, Duke, Bozanic, Pellegrino, Anderson, Caceres.
6) NO NEED to go to Asia. Steve Corica has researched this issue extensively and has discovered that these places are dangerous and they also eat strange food. We have carefully avoided this dilemma, and have positioned ourselves to do so for a very long time.
How is this possible you may ask? Well, this brings me to our playing roster...
Ok, how to explain this best.... do you know that movie Money Ball? The one with Brad Pitt in it? And it's all about how they find a way to bring all the hidden talent in for bargain prices and create a word beating team? Actually, sounds a little a bit like the Mariners?
Well we are original. We have done the opposite.
We just spent 2 million dollars on a 38 year old Italian and the rest of our money on a 34 year old ex socceroo. Unfortunately this left us with only food stamps to construct the rest of our 23 man squad. But seriously, diid you see that free kick in round one??
Besides money, there are many opportunities we can offer you that the Central Coast Mariners simply cannot...
* A chance to build a defence. CCM already has one. We have none whatsoever.
* Job insecurity. No other team can offer such a swift trip to the chopping block. Please know this will be entirely your own fault - and have absolutely nothing to do with our player roster or they way we operate. (You remember that free kick?)
* The Wooden Spoon. Ok, no more mucking around, lets be honest, your simply not going to get it at the Mariners.
* Completely unrealistic expectations. We're rolling in them. (f**k WHAT a screamer that was!)
* An inflated sense of our own worth? Well, we are a BIG CLUB. SERIOUSLY. I mean REALLY SERIOUSLY. Have you ever had a lattes with Emmo and Del Piero at Bondi before?? Me thinks not.
* Fickle fair weather, bling centric supporters that hate you and will take the first chance to scream Arnold Out and slag you at every other opportunity? To our best knowledge, CCM has NONE of these... whereas I can assure you, we have many many THOUSANDS of them.
I could go on...
And on...
And on...
But I trust I have already painted a very clear picture.
Yours Sincerely,
The cashed up delusional hacks down the road.